As a matchmaker and dating coach, it’s my job to ask the question, “What are you looking for in a partner?”  

I’ve got to admit, sometimes the answers I get really annoy me (eye roll).

If I had a nickel for every time a woman told me she’s attracted to tall men or an older man told me he wants to date significantly younger women, I’d have a truckload of nickels.

Many of these same folks (the ones who only date tall or young) have wasted years in the wrong relationships dating someone they were not compatible with.

And yet, after all that drama and heartbreak, they still haven’t figured it out. They’re missing the point.

Here’s the thing.

I’ve NEVER asked a woman, “Why is your husband a phenomenal husband?”, and gotten the answer, “Because he’s tall”!

It’s time to stop focusing on qualities that won’t impact your happiness.

And start focusing on getting your needs met – perhaps for the first time in your life!

It’s time to go deeper.  Stop choosing potential partners based on:

  • Age
  • Race
  • Height
  • Weight
  • Location
  • Clothing
  • Wealth
  • Education, etc.

And start dating people who will ultimately enhance your happiness (not deplete it).

How do you do that?

You’ve got to ask yourself the RIGHT questions to find the RIGHT partner.

Here are five crucial questions you should ask yourself when you’re looking for love:

1.Am I attracted to him?

You don’t have to see fireworks or get butterflies, let’s be real – that’s not sustainable, and where has that gotten you in the past? But you should enjoy looking at him and touching him.  Remember, chemistry can grow over time.

2. Do we have fun together?

Simply put, do you enjoy his company?

3. Is he an A+ human being?

Is he trustworthy, kind, generous, dependable, consistent, loving, loyal and caring?

And later, when things get a little more serious, ask yourself:

4. Do we have similar values?

Your values don’t have to be exactly the same, but they should be similar.


5. Do we have similar life goals?

With regard to kids, family, lifestyle, etc.

(Don’t worry about sharing the same exact interests.  That’s not as important as you think.)

I’m willing to bet, you’ve got an imaginary partner conjured up in your mind. You’ve spent years imagining what he’ll be like, down to the last detail.  I did the same thing.

But it wasn’t until I threw that fictitious image aside and opened-up my heart and mind to all kinds of people – men of different colors, ages, sizes, backgrounds, etc.  That’s when the magic happened!

And I’ve got an awesome husband to prove it.

We come from different religions, socioeconomic backgrounds, have different education levels and lived an hour apart when we met. I always went for brunettes, and he’s a blue-eyed blonde.  To be honest, he’s not what I’d imagined.

It turns out he’s even better!

He’s a wonderful person, and he adores me.  I deserve to be loved this way.  And so do you.

It’s time to do things differently – to be open to the possibility that the love of your life could be an unexpected surprise!

Go deeper.  Start asking the right questions (and stop asking the wrong ones).  Open your heart and your mind.  And then go for it!